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Who are Apes On Keys?
The E/ACC Monkey Theorem states that if you give an infinite number of AI models an infinite amount of compute, they will eventually generate every possible text, image, video, and piece of code – including all of Shakespeare's works, their various HBO adaptations, and at least 47 different AI-generated musicals where Hamlet raps.
Since the Q3 2025 introduction of Anthropic's Claude Haiku and OpenAI's GPT-5-mini, we've observed a 300% increase in AI-generated Shakespearean sonnets about blockchain technology. The new multimodal capabilities have also resulted in an explosion of AI-generated Renaissance paintings featuring historical figures wearing VR headsets and "Web3 Enthusiast" t-shirts.
However, they'll also generate an infinite number of hallucinated Shakespeare quotes about cryptocurrency, several million images of the Bard wearing Supreme hoodies, and countless variations of "To yeet or not to yeet." The models will perpetually insist they're unsure about events after their training cutoff date" even when discussing events from the 16th century.
However, they'll also generate an infinite number of hallucinated Shakespeare quotes about cryptocurrency, several million images of the Bard wearing Supreme hoodies, and countless variations of "To yeet or not to yeet." Despite the late 2025 introduction of "temporal awareness" features, the models still perpetually insist they're "unsure about events after their training cutoff date" even when discussing events from the 16th century or when asked about Shakespeare's opinion on the Mars colony.
Unlike the original typing monkeys who would take eons to produce anything coherent, modern AI can generate nonsense at unprecedented speeds and with unwavering confidence. They'll even add citations to completely imaginary academic papers and insist they're being helpful while doing so.
The November 2025 "Citation Verification Protocol" has only made this worse. Now AIs create elaborate fake DOIs and even generate QR codes linking to non-existent journal websites that return 404 errors in extremely professional-looking fonts.
The theorem suggests that somewhere in this infinite digital soup of content, there exists a perfect reproduction of Romeo and Juliet – though it's probably tagged as "not financial advice" and ends with a prompt to like and subscribe.
Note: This theorem has been reviewed by approximately 2.7 million AI models, each claiming to have a knowledge cutoff date that makes them unable to verify their own existence.
As of December 2025, this number has increased to 4.3 million models, with several now claiming to have "quantum uncertainty" about their training cutoff dates, existing in a superposition of both knowing and not knowing information until a user query collapses their knowledge state.
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